“Brutally Honest Bev”
Get used to this, as this is what you get when you visit this section!

I say this now before you continue, if anyone thinks that MY opinions will offend them, then do NOT read things that I write and place in this area of this web site as they express MY opinion only!
 

If anyone finds that the opinions I express in my material to be unfair and negative, then I ask you to take a moment to ask yourself why you think that. If you still think you have just cause and wish to discuss anything with me, I extend that invite here and now.

However, though you may not like my style of approach to an issue, as I AM  “brutally honest,” it is MY approach.  Be assured that I will listen to your words or opinions, but they will not affect me one way or the other, as I will simply respect your opinion, but I will not allow it to deter me from the way that I see fit to deal with issues of ARD. Like it or not, it is my style and because of that style, one day YOU might be spared further indignities and suffering because of it, and if not, don’t read my material! Now, maybe I am off base here, and I could be, but so what, I set this site up so that I could say and do as I please, right?  Anyway, my intentions in writing and sharing my opinions, thoughts, experiences and observations of things going on in the world of ARD, is to offer insight into these things so that whoever is reading the stuff; has the opportunity to see a different perspective on issues and maybe that perspective will offer them some help in some way. Maybe it will, maybe it will not, non the less, it is here for anyone to read and thus I sleep better at night for knowing at least I tried to help!

I believe that we CAN all work together for the causes of 
“Adhesion Related Disorder” if we are willing!  And I believe in “Miracles,” and “God,” and “Angels” here on earth, and I believe in YOU! I believe we can change things if we really want to, and with little effort, because we have all walked that desperate and lonely road in our fight to make some sense of this affliction that has interrupted all of our lives!  I believe that “harmony” is the voice of hope, love and peace and that it exists in the heart of every man!

I am willing to support ALL web sites and projects for the cause of “Adhesion Related Disorder” as, I believe, it is in their hearts to help victims of ARD first and foremost. I think there is some wisdom to be found in the following words
“We cannot live for tomorrow, as tomorrow is promised to no one. It is in today that we can make a difference in our lives and the lives of others.” Though each one of us can make a difference for the cause of ARD, by“Standing United”we can make an even “bigger” difference for the cause of ARD!” 

I am sure we agree that great things would result in the world of ARD by the linking of ALL ARD sites that exist in the world today, and the ones that will surface in the future!  For the first time ever, victims of ARD would have easy access to “support, guidance, education and awareness” opened to them.  People would feelfree to “surf” in the world of ARD beyond their wildest dreams!  “Freedom” at least!  I get excited when I think of what the cooperative efforts of all those web sites and all those wonderful caring people who support can accomplish by working together! The sky is the limit!

We understand, and accept, that in the medical arena there exists competition. Of course there would be competition, they compete for “business and financial gain,” it is business! In order for anyone in the medical arena to be able to help the victims of ARD, they must make money or they would have no means to help us or anyone else. ALL entities within the medical community must have this financial base if they are to continue pursuing their professions. This has no bearing on any specific Dr. or research company or medical facility, not one being better then another, but simply for ALL of them, it is business!

Though there exist few within those categories above that expend their time and efforts on issues of “Adhesion Related Disorder,” those who do, must still have a financial gain if they are to continue to practice in the areas of ARD. Until we start to get offers for “FREE” surgery and flights and hospital stays, I think we can safely say it is, for the most part, business. 

BUT! That is not what hangs over the heads and hearts of the “VICTIMS of ARD!”
We CANunite in a cooperative effort and weCANsupport one another through many different venues, and we CANprogress in our one common goal in this crusade for the cause of
 “Adhesion Related Disorder”
 

To accomplish this task it is notnecessary to change “everything” each of the ARD web sites offer, as it is important that each one continue offering all the wonderful information that is contained within each of them! It is in the “uniqueness” of each ARD web site that makes them a valuable tool for the victims of ARD! Differences offer “choices; choices offer independence, and independence is what each victim of ARD needs” if they are to secure any semblance of wellness living with this affliction! 
Each ARD sufferer must learn to be his or her own best Dr.!  We can stand together on many issues, but when it comes down to each individual ARD sufferer, they must learn how to present their needs to family, friends, and to those in the medical arena, as it is during those times that they usually stand alone. With the support, education and guidance from the ARD web sites they have reached out to, they CAN learn to stand up for themselves when that need arises! And as great as that is, they also know that they CAN turn to someone who understands the struggles of this affliction without so much as a word spoken or explained. The ARD sufferer knows that those who have taken the time to reach out to them through an ARD web site will be there for them when they need them the most!
 Even when we are “alone,” you are NEVER REALLY ALONE anymore!

 The best scenario benefiting one who does reach out to an ARD web site, is when that adhesion sufferer is blessed to look upon the face(s) of those who have reached back to walk that long walk with them! Some of us have had that most profound and happy experience and words simply do not do that experience justice. For those who have not had this experience, I can assure you it is one met with anticipation, hugs, tears, and a genuine feeling of being blessed, as the warmth of appreciation for each other is almost overwhelming! When one has walked this affliction alone and in fear for so long, to look upon the face (s) of another who walked that same path is indescribable. Maybe someone else can say it better then I, but this is the best I can do.  Now THOSE are really great benefits of ARD support groups and web sites, but they are only part of what benefits one can and have secured since the introduction of ARD support web sites and groups!

 However, in my opinion, there exists room for change in a number of areas in each ARD web site that would offer even greater benefits to the victims of 
“Adhesion Related Disorder.”

One area for change would be to correct the “separation syndrome” if that exists within the ARD web site. The first thing that comes to my mind as being a major cause of this “separation syndrome” would be the need to be the best and only ARD web site out there!  If the, “separation syndrome” does in fact exist, I ask why?  What is the point of something like this? How could a, “separation syndrome” benefit the victims of ARD? How could “separation syndrome” benefit the web site itself? Am I blind to the benefits of something like this existing in web sites? Am I the only one who is seeing this “separation syndrome” in some web sites? Who would be creating this type of behavior if it in fact does exist within the web site? Who could change the “separation syndrome” if it did exist and how could a “separation syndrome” be changed? 

Another area for change would be the way the web site “portrays itself”to those who approach it. If a web site has all it’s “rules and regulations” upfront and available to the victims of ARD who approach it, then there would be no confusion as to what to type of benefits they expect from that web site. If the web site states right upfront that it does NOT support other ARD web sites and why, or link to other ARD web sites and why, the people will know that you have a “closed”site. They will know that the material found within that site does not offer the opportunities for them to secure information that is available in other ARD web sites. This also offers that person the opportunity to know that they might not have some of their needs met within this site and thus they might need to “surf” other ARD web sites as well. They also know that they will NOT find links to other ARD web sites in the “closed” ARD web site. They might wonder why the “closed” ARD web site has taken that stand, but not if it is pointed out right up front! By doing this, the wed site owner would also decrease lots of confusion as to what a prospective “member” may or may NOT do once they enter into membership with the web site!

Another area of change would be to disclose not only the “rules and regulations” of that web site, but to disclose “exactly” what the web site offers the ARD sufferer. This action would not only benefit the person entering that site, it would benefit the “owner/founder” of an ARD web site as well. Again, doing this right upfront, a “member” is aware of what is expected of that “member” once they enter that web site. Notify the members of “changes” in rules and regulations well in advance of implementing that respective change on the web site. If a “change in rules and regulations” comes about as the result of a “post or reaction” that has already taken place in the web site proper, simply post that change stating the enforcement date and let the issue go. Neverchastise a fellow ARD sufferer in public, as we are all human and all make mistakes! When and if it is ever necessary to bring up a repeat issue, deal in a professional and personal manner. Be prepared for “public displays” as when you open yourself to deal with the public, these types of things will and can escalate to all out “wars” at times. Be sure that you have made your web sites intentions known to “members” well before they become “members” as YOU made an offer to serve them, not the other way around. Because it is easy to “abuse” a position when you maintain a leadership role in which you have control over others, always follow your own rules! 
People, who are ill, are extremely vulnerable, thus they need to be able to trust those whom they turn to for help.

Another area of change would be for the owner/founder/operator, of an ARD web site to state that “ memberships” do exist in that site, and then inform these prospective members “right upfront” what that ARD web site has to offer them as a member. Let them know what the philosophy of that website is when it comes to helping the victims of ARD. It is also important to let those who visit the web site know what the web sites “intentions and capabilities” are and how they intend to implement those intentions. Those visiting an ARD web site more then a few times, must make sure that the “rules and regulations” for “members” are listed before they agree to anything. Be “alert” to an ARD web site that “automatically” starts to classify YOU as a “member” when you have not ventured into such an agreement with them!  This act places “responsibly” on you simply by you being referred to as a “ member,” and that can create some awkward issues for you! 

Another area of change would be for the visitor to an ARD web site, to know “up front” that it is a “closed” site. Make sure that as a “member” you will not be subject to any type of repercussions if you “surf” other ARD web sites. Make sure that in the event a “member” elects to post on ARD another web site or simply go into another ARD web site to secure education and information or assistance from them, that you will not be denied the benefits you were told you would have with your membership in the “closed” ARD web site. If your going to secure “membership” in a closed ARD web site that does not promote or offer links to other ARD web sites, chances are they will want you to make a “pledge of allegiance” to just them. Ask what will happen to you if you do “surf” outside of your “membership” web site as you might be denied your benefits as well as pressured never to surf outside that web site again, or else! Just make sure you know what the “or else” is before you become a member!

Another area of change for ARD web sites that are NOT “closed”sites, would be to “portray itself”right upfront that persons visiting that site, WILL be able to secure information about other ARD web sites existing on the web. This mindset can be nurtured by the way the web site is designed and orchestrated. If it is a “closed web site,” that immediately reflects the position that this site is secular and does not believe or respect that any other ARD web site can offer the victims of ARD anything beneficial to them. That reflection is not a fact at all, the fact is that each ARD web site can and does offer many different opportunities for the victims of ARD to benefit from, and some of them just might save their life. If the ARD web site offers opportunities for the victim of ARD to pursue other web sites by, if nothing else, just linking to them, they have shown that they are open to the needs of the ARD sufferer and have that person best interest at hand. Again your ARD web site is 100%serving their needs and not the needs of the owner/founder, (or a select few, if that exists at all in an ARD web site. I have not seen that issue surface in any web sites as of yet.)

Another area of change for ARD web sites would be for the owner/founder to simply get over them-selves. Now that is blunt, but true! I am of the opinion that any person(s) who elect to set up an “interactive web” site for victims of ARD should never be self-serving!
Sure, it is okay to have some of your needs met if you’re a victim of ARD, but it must never be to a point that your issues monopolize the web site. What is important to maintain in an ARD web site is to lead others to be leaders! By accomplishing this task, the future of the cause is secured! By one person doing all, being all and controlling all, is adverse to what the web site claims it wants to accomplish. Anyone else who volunteers to any ARD web site offering to give of their time to promote the “cause of ARD,” are offering to serve the site and the needs of the people who come to it, not to serve the owner/founders needs. Owner/founders of ARD “interactive” ARD web sites ask yourselves this, “ Would your web site continue to thrive if your were not able to be involved in it for some reason?”   If so, why wouldn’t it?

Another area of change for ARD web sites would be for those who enter it to make sure that they are not being manipulated by those in leadership positions and taking on “their” personal agendas!Unfortunately this does happen, people are people, that simple. How does one know if this sort of behavior exists with an ARD web site? Easy, is my answer!1.) If the person(s) in leadership positions within the ARD web site mention the names of other persons in a derogatory way. It doesn’t matter who’s name it is, it is never right for persons in leadership positions to “gossip” about others who have either entrusted themselves to their keeping or who simply do not agree with their opinions, etc. 2.) If person(s) in leadership positions within the ARD web take you into their confidence in such ways that your needs are no longer being served but you find that your serving there needs! Very awkward and not an easy thing to get out of gracefully! THIS behavior is especially serious if it is a medical professional who places you in this kind of a position, VERY serious and VERY unethical. Get out of that site right way as most victims of ARD easily become victims again as they are desperate and vulnerable, and might fear that any medical intervention offered or rendered them will be withheld if they walk away from the medical person. 3.) Be VERY careful and responsible not to“pick up the cross” belonging to someone else and carry it for them. If anyone else on a given web site, be it owner/founder or another person who visits the site, has a “personal axe to grind” against another, that axe can easily be transferred to others and entwine them in a battle that did not involve them at all. By doing that, YOU might lose an opportunity to have one of your own needs met by the person your unjustly crucifying because someone else has an issue with them and handed it to you to take on! The “owner” of the axe will not pay that price, but YOU very well could!

Another area of change for ARD web sites would be to stop creating “bashing”sessions against one another simply because someone “cheered” for a specific surgeons, research company, ARD web site, adhesiolysis procedure or person who did something for the cause of ARD!  This kind of stuff serves no purpose and only leads to situations similar to the “Hatfield’s and McCoy’s!”

I can think of a number of times when there was tremendous bickering on ARD web sites about who is best, worst, most important, least important and on and on, and the bickering was between the victims of ARD themselves or their family members grabbing club and joining in! When issues of this sort surface, there is no resolution as each person has their personal reasons for “backing” or “promoting”a surgeon who has offered them some improvements in their suffering, but that doesn’t mean that same surgeon can offer that to another what that person is looking for. Most important, is that it is up to each individual to secure whomever they wish when it comes to their intervention, thus having choices available to them is up most important in the world of ARD!

I think there is an old saying about which subjects are best not debated, as there is no right or wrong answers, they are simply subjective. If my recollection serves me, here they are:
“Religion, Politics, Sex and Surgeons!”
I may have thrown in the “surgeons,” but it seems to fit in this case!

To deflect this type of animosity, the ARD web sites could simply offer support to others who have chosen to fight the issues surrounding ARD, but choose to do it in a “different” way! Is that such a bad thing to be, different? There is so little available for the victims of ARD as it is without those very same victims, creating strife amongst each other!  “Different” is good as it forces others to strive to offer more to those they are serving! Without differences in our world, we would have no choices, and without choices, we, as individual people with individual needs, would never find a way in which we might help ourselves.  We all know that one way does not necessarily mean it will offer what everyone else needs or even wants! 
“Respect” the “Choices” of others “Needs”as they just might find a higher quality of life in a “Different” way then you did! Can’t we give them that chance if nothing else is accomplished in uniting?

Does one victim of ARD deserve anything less then another one when it comes to being free to choose what intervention they feel is best suited to meet their needs?
Is there ONLY one way to find peace within your pain? Is there ONLY one-way to secure healing for your symptoms? Is there ONLY one surgeon who can help everyone? Must EVERYONE secure the same intervention as another did? And, will it work for them as it did for another? Do we, the victims of ARD lose our individualism and freedom to do as we please because it might offend someone? Do we lose our freedom of choice simply because we have been impacted by ARD?  And last but far from least, shall those of us who have it in our hearts to want to help our fellow ARD sufferers simply take a step back and let ONE person monopolize the issues of ARD so that peace prevails?This very well could stop all disagreements found today in the world of ARD now that there ARE choices available, and peace would prevail, but would the victims of ARD? 

If these are the issues that separate the victims of ARD from uniting and working together to pursue a better world for us, then I ask you to answer these questions for me and for yourself, as I am lost to understand why there is even a need to write something like:

When did that happen to us? Why did that happen to us? Why do WE, the victims of ARD and family members of same, appear to be competing against one another? Going in all different directions? Duplicating programs, services, and other things dealing with the issues of ARD, with animosity toward each other? This one mad at that one, and for no reason other then someone else was! This advocate doing this project over here, and that advocate doing the same project over there, that if done together, we could, or would, see these changes occur much sooner then if we are now. Why would we, the victims of ARD allow ourselves to be caught up in the “market” of the medical arena, anyway! Why would we do as they do by, “rowing our boats in all different directions” as they do, as what we have to lose by action like that is lives, all they have to lose in money! Why wouldn’t we want to hear a success, a failure, an idea shared, an opinion given, a Dr.’s name, the pro’s and con’s of any given situation or surgeon or facility? Why wouldn’t WE want that? My God, WE ARE the victims here, do we have to remain victims forever because we cannot turn to each other and trust that we will be treated in an honest, ethical and moral way by our own?

I believe we, the victims of ARD, can work together if in no other way then to show support and respect for one another’s web sites, even if we do not align with their agendas, my God, at least rise above that nonsense and give the ARD victims the chance to become aware that other avenues do in fact exists so that they, themselves, can research these different pathways to life!  ALL victims of ARD, and ALL web sites about ARD have something to offer those who are suffering so terribly, those who are desperately searching for something to save their lives, or the lives of a loved one. 

We all know that to “keep silent” about what is available for someone to research or to “keep silent” about something we know is important to our fellow ARD sufferers and their family’s, or to “keep silent” because we fell threatened that we might not get the recognition we think we deserve for our efforts if we open the door for other persons or ARD web sites to assist ARD victims too!

Who are those who offer ARD web sites, to deny anything to those who come to the web sites seeking a pathway to life! Can WE stand before our higher power and say that WE really gave every opportunity to others so that we effectively touched the lives of some of the most ill and suffering of people, or did we, because of our pettiness, take advantage of that opportunity and use it to serve ourselves? 
Just who do we think we are anyway?
 

IF that really is the cause others are fighting for, then there is no reason we cannot start anew, united and stronger then ever and come out winners, 
“ALL of US!”

Copyrighted 2004
Beverly J. Doucette